Peeing on a stick and watching the blue line appear can be the most life changing experience you will ever have, whether you are a mother or father to be. The nine months you spend growing a child are the beginning of an amazing relationship that you will hopefully have for the rest of your life.
in this section
Expecting a baby?
Does it hurt?
Being back at home
Bonding with your baby
Breastfeeding
Bringing up a child
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Organisations that can help
Returning to work/learning. Further advice
For Contact Details see our A-Z
Every parent struggles sometimes with the demands of raising a child, not just young parents. Having the right support is really important. This may well come from family and friends, but there are also a lot of other people out there who can help; with coping in the early days, learning parenting skills, telling you about your rights or services available, helping you to get your new life on track. You can call in at Castlegate and talk to a worker about anything mentioned here. For Contact Details see our A-Z.
If you think that you might be pregnant, you'll find places that offer free pregnancy tests here, and information about your choices too. If you decide to go ahead with the pregnancy, the first thing you should do is contact your doctor's surgery and arrange an appointment with the midwife. You'll meet regularly with her (or him) to monitor your health and the baby's health, and to talk through your experience, worries and expectations.
As soon as a woman is pregnant, her whole body starts to change, to prepare for the work ahead. Many women experience symptoms from very early on - tender breasts, sickness and tiredness, needing to pee more often. Some women sail through pregnancy looking fantastic and never have any problems, but they are rare! Most women find that being pregnant affects their emotions, energy levels, skin, hair, bodily functions, feet, sleep, appetite - you name it!
Get advice early on about your health and diet, as for example some foods are not recommended for pregnant women (e.g. raw egg, shell fish, nuts or unpasteurised cheese). Alcohol and cigarettes can harm your unborn child, as of course can illegal drugs. Talk to your GP or midwife if you are taking prescription drugs. You should start taking a supplement of folic acid straightaway to reduce the risk of Spina Bifida.
Tommy's free book 'Young Women's Guide to Pregnancy' has information about keeping healthy during pregnancy along with diet and exercise, a weekly diary of your body's changes and your baby's development, common complaints, sexual health etc. Order online at tommys.org/shop or ring their helpline, which also has midwives available to answer any questions about your pregnancy. For Contact Details see our A-Z.
Your midwife will regularly test your blood and urine and talk to you about other tests on offer. You will be offered a foetal heart monitor from about 14 weeks, where you can listen to your baby's heartbeat. You'll be offered 2 routine scans at hospital. The first, at about 12 weeks, is a 'dating scan'. At the 20 week scan you should be able to see your baby moving around, and they will check that your baby is developing normally. You can usually find out the sex of your baby at this time, if you wish.
YorBabe is a 6 week course which runs three times a year. It's for young women and men under 19 helping to prepare for their baby's birth, parenthood and the future. They can negotiate with your school or college for time off to attend if necessary, and maybe help with bus fares. You can contact them yourself or ask someone you are working with (eg midwife, GP or support worker) to refer you. For Contact Details see our A-Z.
Does it hurt?
No one is going to tell you that having a baby doesn't hurt, but actually the pain is only a tiny part of what is mostly an amazing experience. If you are prepared for the birth then you will be less scared, more in control of what is happening, and feel less pain.
Talk to your midwife about your fears, and read up in books or magazines. Find out about your options, such as birthing positions and pain relief, what happens if things aren't going to plan, the hospital staff who may be involved, and what to expect afterwards. It's a good idea to find out about the labour ward - you can now have a 'virtual tour' on dvd. Many women like to have their partner present at the birth, or someone else they are close to. Make sure they know as much as possible too so they can support you.
By keeping yourself fit and active throughout pregnancy and eating a healthy diet, you'll also be keeping your body in good shape for labour. Ignore any horror stories you're told by friends and family about difficult or painful births. Every woman's experience of birth is unique.
You may have to be in hospital for a day or two afterwards (unless you have a home birth), so use that time to ask questions of the nursing staff. If you've never changed a nappy or bathed a baby, get them to show you how. Also how to dress, handle, feed, burp and soothe a baby.
BEING BACK AT HOME
Arriving home with a new baby is something most parents never forget. The first few weeks usually pass in a blur of tiredness and lack of sleep, visitors and gifts, nappies, wet clothes, and getting used to your body changing once more after birth. You'll be visited by your midwife for the first 10-14 days, and then you will be under the care of the Health Visitor.
After the birth of a baby about half of all mothers experience the 'baby blues'. This can be because of hormone levels and the demands that a new baby brings. If you feel down it's important to talk about how you feel with someone. Usually the blues only last for a few days, but if they continue, talk to your doctor, midwife or Health Visitor about it.
You will need to register your baby's birth within 42 days by law. For babies born in York, ring the York Register Office to make an appointment. If you are not married, and want both parents' details on the birth certificate, you will both have to be present at the appointment. You'll get a basic copy of the birth certificate for free, but will usually need a full certificate, which costs £3.50 at the appointment. A birth certificate is needed to claim Child Benefit etc. For Contact Details see our A-Z.
Babies actually require very little equipment. If you are happy to receive second hand things from friends or relatives, then you need spend very little money. Second hand baby equipment is also available free from freecycle. (see here for more information). For Contact Details see our A-Z. Babies are not bothered who has worn their clothes or been in their pram before them!
Bonding with your baby
By spending time with your baby and making sure that their needs are met, you are 'bonding' with your baby - most new parents do this without thinking about it. What babies need is really basic. Talk to your baby, tell them about what you are doing, smile and make faces, watch and respond to what they are doing. Try and give them your full attention while you feed them. They love the sound of your voice, and it is never too early to sing and tell them stories. Stroke and tickle your baby, play games with their fingers and toes. When they cry, respond to what they are trying to tell you, and work out whether they are hungry, tired, wet, too hot or cold, poorly, or just in need of some love and attention.
Your child's early experiences are the building blocks for them to learn to trust others and make relationships, to be able to explore the world, recognise their feelings and needs, learn about who they are and their place in the world. If you are struggling to bond with your baby, talk to someone you trust. This could be your your Health Visitor, midwife or G.P. There may be a reason for it, such as depression or your early childhood experiences that are getting in the way.
Thinking about breastfeeding?
Breast milk gives babies all the nutrients they need for the first six months of life and helps protect them from infection and diseases. As a mother, it will also reduce your chances of getting certain diseases later in life. Breastfeeding allows you and your baby to get closer - physically and emotionally. So while your child is feeding, the bond between you can grow stronger. It's also cheaper and less fuss - you don't need to take any equipment with you when you go out!
If you are thinking about breastfeeding, talk to your midwife, who can give you more information about the practicalities. You can also get information from breastfeeding.nhs.uk or ring their helpline for one to one advice. For Contact Details see our A-Z.
BRINGING UP A CHILD
Most of us learn about being a parent from the examples set by our own parents. This can be helpful, but if you've had bad experiences they can get in the way of your new relationship with your child. Talking to someone can help to make sense of your experiences and to decide on how you would like the future to be different. Whether you are a new father or mother, you are the most important influence in your child's life, and their first role model.
There isn't one correct way of bringing up children, as long as their basic needs for love, health, security and respect are met. Most parents never regret having children, but all parents find it hard at times. Try to make time for yourself - you are an important person too.
As well as talking to someone you are close to, or someone from one of the places mentioned in this section, there are lots of good parenting books and magazines available in bookshops and libraries. Support and information is also available from the following...
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ORGANISATIONS THAT CAN HELP
Castlegate can tell you more about the services that are available, as well as tell you about your rights and options. You can also call in if you just need to talk to someone about how you are feeling.
You can get lots of helpful and up to date information from the Family Information Service. If you are a mum, dad or carer of a 0-19 year old then you can get free and impartial information about... finding and paying for childcare, working with children, what's on at your local Children's Centre, things to do and places to go, returning to work, free early years places for 3 and 4 year olds, family groups and activities, local parenting support, disabilities and additional needs. For Contact Details see our A-Z..
yor-ok.org.uk can also help you find the information you need. It can tell you about services and groups in your area, information about keeping healthy, money, staying safe etc. There is also a section just for young parents in the 'family support and parenting' area
There are nine Children's Centre's around York, offering a range of services to support you and your family (or family to be). These include child and family health services, from health visitors to breastfeeding support. There are also family groups and activities; groups for young parents; support with parenting, including support in your own home; Family Learning courses (with free childcare); information and advice about other services that might help you and lots more.
The Children's Centres are based at Hob Moor, Westfield, Carr, Clifton, Haxby Road, New Earswick, Tang Hall (The Avenues), St. Lawrence's and Knavesmire. Ask your midwife or health visitor about a Children’s Centre near you, or call the Family Information Service. You can also look at yorkchildrenscentres.org.uk. For Contact Details see our A-Z.
Babes in Arms meets on Wednesdays, 2.30–4pm at Space 109, Walmgate. If you are a young mum or dad under 19, why not come along to the group? They run fun sessions, health sessions and offer a chance to socialise and meet other young parents.
Westfield Young Parents is for young mums, dads and parents-to-be under 25 (though priority given to under 19's if they're full). As well as a chance to socialise and meet other young parents, they offer trips, arts and crafts, cooking and other activities, and a crèche. Meets at Hob Moor Children's Centre on Mondays 10–12am.
For Contact Details see our A-Z.
Home-Start York offer support and friendship from a volunteer parent, who can visit you at home or go out and about with you. They offer a helping hand and a listening ear to parents of under 5's in the York area. You can contact them yourself or ask to be referred (eg by your Health Visitor, support worker or a worker at Castlegate).
Gingerbread is a national helpline, offering advice and practical support to single parents.
Family Lives (formerly Parentline Plus) is a national helpline that can help with family and parenting problems.
For Contact Details see our A-Z.
A little extra help
People you may work with (for example Health Visitors, support workers etc) are now using a 'Common Assessment' (also called a 'CAF'), and if you need some extra support they may talk to you about this. If you feel you'd like this yourself, why not ask someone you work with to complete one with you?
Common Assessment means that they should look at the whole picture of what you and your child need help with, not just the things they can help with themselves. It also means that they have a way to share this information with other people who can help. If you are under 18 you can also ask for a Common Assessment for yourself.
RETURNING TO WORK OR LEARNING
Whether or not you are happy to be a full time parent is mostly up
to you, though you may be better off financially by going into or returning to work or learning. Juggling the demands of being a
parent, cooking and cleaning, spending time with your partner or family and finding time for yourself can be difficult enough, without
adding another pressure of work/studying and childcare. However most parents find that having a balance of these things that suits
them, makes them and their child happy.
Get advice about your options, and what financial help is available (for example tax credits are available for working parents, and may help with childcare costs as well) from places mentioned in the Benefits and Learning & Working section or from Castlegate. For information about what help may be available to pay for childcare if you return to education, see here
The Family Information Service can tell you about your returning to work options, flexible working rights, and about childcare available in your area. See here for more information.
There is also an Adviser for young parents, Trina Warriner. She supports young parents and parents to be (under 19 years) to get back into education, training or employment. She is based at the Independent Domestic Abuse Service (IDAS). For Contact Details see our A-Z.
See here for employment rights as a parent.
FURTHER ADVICE
Starting a family often leads to changes in other ways. If you're starting to think about moving - perhaps because you want more independence, or where you are living no longer suits the needs of you and your new family - speak to a worker at Castlegate or the Housing Options Team at Customer Services Centre about your housing options. It's a good idea even if you are not planning to move for some time, as you can start to plan for the future now. See also here. For Contact Details see our A-Z..
If you are being asked to leave where you are living or being threatened with eviction, you should go to the Housing Options Team at Customer Services Centre. They can offer advice and assistance (for example to delay or stop things from getting worse), and may have to find you emergency accommodation. See here
If you feel you need some support in living independently, you can get help from a tenancy support worker. See here for more information.
If you need to know more about the benefits you may be entitled to while you are pregnant and after the baby is born, see the 'Benefits' section. In particular:
see here if you are pregnant
see here If you need help with the cost of a new baby
see here If you are caring for children