Difficult times and feelings affect everyone during their life. Sometimes we sort out problems for ourselves; sometimes we need to let off steam to a friend, or spend a few hours away from our problems to see them in a different perspective.
Sometimes we need more than that. If you are worried about a problem, or feeling confused or in need of help, there are people you can go to who can help you.
in this section
Talking to someone
What is counselling?
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Being a good listener
Bullying
Self harm
Where to go for help
For Contact Details see our A-Z
TALKING TO SOMEONE
Most people are happy to listen to someone that needs to talk. If you don't feel that you can talk to friends or family, perhaps there
is a support worker, youth worker, or someone at work who would listen to you. There are also helplines that you can phone for
information, advice, or to talk to someone in confidence.
You can also call in at Castlegate to talk to a worker in confidence about anything that is bothering you. It may help just to 'let it all out' to someone who doesn't know you. If you feel you need more than this, you may want to think about counselling - see below. Castlegate also have a counselling service. see here.
If your health is suffering because of the way you are feeling, you should think about going to see your doctor. If you don't think they are being sympathetic, see a different one. A GP shouldn't just be concerned with your physical health. They are able to refer you to other services within the NHS that may be able to help you, if this is what they feel you need. This is why talking to your GP is important.
WHAT IS COUNSELLING?
Counselling is time to talk with someone who will let you talk and help you find your own solutions. A counsellor won't judge you, and they won't tell you what to do.
Counselling is for anyone who feels they need it. It could be because of something specific you are worried about. It could be because of the way you are feeling about a lot of things, or life in general. It could be to help you make decisions about something in your life.
Many places offer a free counselling service, though they will usually have a waiting list. You'll find details of these places here. (There are also many private counsellors but this is something you'll have to pay for.)
If you are thinking about seeing a counsellor, ask them what qualifications and experience they have. Ideally they should have, or be studying towards a Diploma (not just a Certificate) in counselling, and be a member of a recognised professional body such as BACP or UKCP. They should also be used to working with young people.
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BEING A GOOD LISTENER
If you are worried about a friend, or they come to you to talk, be a good listener. Hear them out, without interrupting, giving your opinion, or telling them about your experiences. Check from time to time that you have understood what they are saying. Rather than offering advice, let them work things out for themselves as they talk. If you need more information or advice to help them, contact someone yourself.
BULLYING
Bullying happens to many people and at any age - at school, at work, by family, 'friends', bosses, teachers etc. Bullying is not always physical; intimidation, humiliation, threats, cruelty, name calling, being left out, harassment, are all forms of bullying. If you are feeling bullied, you probably are being bullied.
No-one 'deserves' to be bullied. There is nothing about you that gives someone the right to make you feel bad about yourself or your life. You do have the right to be treated with respect.
If you are being bullied it can sometimes be very difficult to know what to do and whether to tell someone. But remember, by keeping silent, you are doing what the bully wants and protecting them.
• Talk it over with someone you trust - you may not be ready to tackle the problem (or to ask someone else to tackle it) but talking it through can help you decide what you would like to happen. You can talk in confidence to any of the helplines or organisations mentioned in below
• Tell your friends and family what you are going through - but make it clear they should not intervene without your permission
• If you are being bullied at school, talk to someone you trust and ask what the school policy is on bullying - all schools by law have to have one. Ask what they are going to do to about it and tell them what you would like to happen
• At work your employer has a legal duty to look after your welfare as well as your health and safety. If you are being bullied at work you can talk to your trade union rep if you are a member, or your manager. If you are being bullied by your manager, is there another manager or someone higher up you could talk to?
• If you do not feel your employer / school is taking the problem seriously, keep a diary of events and what they do or don't do.
Racial and sexual harassment are also bullying, but there are separate laws to protect people from these. see here.
SELF HARM
We all self harm, although not necessarily directly or on purpose. We often treat our bodies badly, or don't give ourselves what we need. Sometimes it can be to cover up or cope with how we feel - stress, loneliness, fear or pain.
The term 'self harm' is used to describe many different acts - cutting or picking at the skin, taking pills, burning or harming the body in some other way. It can include eating disorders (see here) and addiction. Self harm is not about "attention seeking", and it is not the same as trying to kill yourself. It is a way of dealing with difficult feelings inside; it can be about having control over something in your life. It can also be a way of saying "I need some help".
Self harm can affect anyone - it is a lot more common than people think. Many people harm themselves secretly for a long time before finding the courage to tell someone.
If you or someone you know self harms and you want to talk to someone about it, talk to your doctor or to a worker at Castlegate, or at one of the organisations mentioned below.
The National Self Harm Network website at nshn.org.uk offers online forums, and a great download 'distractions' put together by people who self harm. It has ideas for displacement, as well as creative, constructive and physical distractions etc.
WHERE TO GO TO FOR HELP
All of the organisations listed here will normally treat what you
are saying as confidential. If you are worried that what you want to talk about may mean someone else is told - for example if you
want to talk about abuse, serious self harm, suicide attempts or something illegal - ask them about their 'confidentiality policy' before you start. You can also consider talking to your doctor about how you feel. See
here about talking to your GP.
Castlegate offers a free and confidential counselling service to young people aged 16-25. Call in or call us to make a 'First
Contact' appointment. This is time to talk to a counsellor about what counselling involves, and whether it is right for you. If you decide
to go ahead, you will be put on the waiting list and a counselling appointment will be offered as soon as possible. You can also call in
and talk to a worker at Castlegate about any issue that is bothering you, or for a copy of our leaflet 'Thinking about Counselling?'
1-2-1 Counselling - offer a free counselling service through Future Prospects.
York Women's Counselling Service - offer a counselling service to women on any issue. They ask you to make an affordable donation.
Relate-teen (part of Relate) offer a free counselling service for young people 10-25 about any issue (including the breakdown of their parents' relationship either now or in the past). Young people under 16 need parental permission after the initial meeting.
Mind give information about mental health services and issues. They also provide a free counselling service about any issue, self help support groups, advocacy and befriending service.
York College Counselling Service is a free confidential counselling service for students at York College.
For Contact Details see our A-Z.
Your school may have counsellors. Ask a teacher you trust about this.
Childline is a 24 hour phone line for children and young people, to talk about any problem, including bullying and abuse.
Check out the rethink.org and thesite.org websites.
Get Connected run a free helpline for young people, giving support and information on all issues. They can connect you free of charge to the best service for you.
Parentline Plus - If you are having problems with your parents, they might need someone to talk to as well! Parentline Plus offers a listening ear to parents, and is run by parents themselves.
Samaritans - If you or someone you know is feeling suicidal, or needs to talk to someone immediately, contact the Samaritans. You can talk to them in complete confidence at any time, about anything.
For Contact Details see our A-Z.
If you are under 16 you can still get confidential advice or counselling without your parent's knowledge or consent. It may be more difficult to find the help you want if you are much younger. If the organisation you contact can't help, ask them to put you in touch with someone who can, or contact Castlegate which will try and do the same.